Mr. Right

When I go shopping, I always know what I’m looking for –  I don’t waste time looking around. I know from the get-go what will suit and what won’t.

That’s how I knew, the night I walked into the Cracker Jax Club, that she was the one.

I noticed her immediately.  Like stale cigarette smoke, her longing hung in the air, drawing me to her.  She sat by herself, nursing some fancy drink, a shy, hopeful smile plastered across her face. She was a plain girl – big, too.

That’s how I like ‘em. Big and soft. Eager to please.

“Hi, I’m George,” I said, sidling up next to her, planting myself on the adjacent barstool.

She looked at me, surprised at my singling her out. Her cow-like eyes shined with gratitude. “Hi George, I’m Judy,” she replied, her voice gentle.

I smiled. “So, Judy, is your boyfriend going to get pissed if I buy you a drink?” I made a show of looking around, wanting to flatter her.

She giggled, sweetly self-conscious. “I’m here by myself. No boyfriend tonight.”

Or any other night, I thought. I doubted poor Judy had ever had a boyfriend. The thought saddened me. An old song lyric popped into my head. All the lonely people, where do they all come from? Where do they all belong?

I knew the answer to that, but tabled the thought.

“So then, by yourself? No girlfriends?”

She ducked her head, unwilling to meet my eyes. “My friend, Shelley, she, um, met someone and they left a while ago. I told her to go ahead, I’d take a cab home.”

“Doesn’t seem very nice of her…”

She was quick to spring to her defense. “It’s not really her fault… men just love Shelley. Can’t get enough of her.”

I tilted my head, studying her. “How about Judy? Don’t men love Judy?”

She didn’t look up.

“Hey, Judy,” I said softly, “don’t be sad. Your time will come, sweet girl like you. You just haven’t met the right man yet.”

A small smile started to bloom at the corners of her mouth and, for a moment, she was almost pretty. “That’s what Mama says… never lose hope because ‘Mr. Right’ could be just around the corner.”

I gave her my best smile. “She’s right, you know. There’s someone for everyone.”

Her face lit up, taking on a more hopeful aspect. She didn’t look quite as bovine suddenly. “You really think so?” she asked.

“I do,” I said firmly.

Judy allowed me to buy her that drink, and then another. An hour later, we were old friends, and perhaps something more. I could see it in her eyes.

She figured Mama really had known what she was talking about. Sometimes the right man is  just around the corner.

I paid the bill and stood up. Holding out my hand, I issued an invitation without words, and she eagerly accepted. Like her friend Shelley, she’d met someone. She wouldn’t be going home alone.

Not tonight.

Smiling, I fingered the blade in my pocket. Finally, Judy had met Mr. Right.

About Kate Loveton

Aspiring novelist. Avid reader of fiction. Reviewer of books. By day, my undercover identity is that of meek, mild-mannered legal assistant, Kate Loveton, working in the confines of a stuffy corporate law office; by night, however, I'm a super hero: Kate Loveton, Aspiring Novelist and Spinner of Tales. My favorite words are 'Once upon a time... ' Won't you join me on my journey as I attempt to turn a hobby into something more?
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33 Responses to Mr. Right

  1. Kate Loveton says:

    Ah, Sarahlea, you gave me a good chuckle! At the time of writing, I hadn’t thought about good old George Jetson or daughter Judy.

    Hope you’ll look for my next story – Fred Flintstone and Wilma share a shower at the Norman Bates Motel… 😉

  2. sarahlearichards says:

    Oh, wait, Judy was his daughter! 🙂

  3. sarahlearichards says:

    Great surprise ending! So is this how the Jetsons met?

  4. Kate Loveton says:

    Thanks, Chris – that means a lot; as you know, I’m a huge fan of your flash fiction so it’s nice to hear that I captured your interest with this creepy little tale. 🙂

  5. Sarah says:

    Really enjoyed this (if enjoyed is the right word). I mean, I really love the writing. It’s a real talent to tell an entire story in very few words. Means not one word is or can be wasted! Congratulations.

  6. Disturbing, chilling, predatory… I love it. The samr can’t be said for George. If this is a taste of your flash fiction, I’m hungry for more.

  7. gpeynon says:

    Ooooo, very dark. Love it.

    • Kate Loveton says:

      Glad you liked it. Love a dark tale, myself! Grew up on the Twilight Zone, the Outer Limits, and reading some good dark fiction. It was fun to try a bit of a twist at the end of the story. 🙂 Thanks for the positive reinforcement – it was my first attempt at flash fiction, so I’m a work in progress.

  8. I would have questioned the lack of an ending like that because of him describing her as a cow twice. Guys with good intentions don’t do that unless they’re a little messed up in the head.
    Great short, though. I love it 🙂

    • Kate Loveton says:

      Good on you, Bethany, for noticing along the way that this was not a very nice man in spite of his outward ‘niceness.’ His inner thoughts gave away his nature, setting up the end. Glad you enjoyed the story!

  9. stacilys says:

    Whoa. Freaky. A little dark at the end too. Didn’t see that coming.
    This is a really great story Kate. You have a gift.
    🙂

    • Kate Loveton says:

      Hi Staci! A ‘little’ dark, you say? (insert Kate’s evil laughter) I’m glad you enjoyed the story, and I am touched by your kind words. 🙂 As a kid, I always liked telling scary tales in the dark when there were sleep overs with my girlfriends… guess that hasn’t changed much! I still like to share a scary tale…

  10. Kandis says:

    Great story, love the ending. Thanks for sharing it!

  11. Well that ending was just plain creepy, Kate!

    Here I was, thinking poor old Judy’s luck had changed and that she’d finally bag a man. Turns out she’s fallen into the trap of some kind of deviant!

    A chilling piece of flash fiction, I like this very much!

    • Kate Loveton says:

      Thanks, Heather! I’m glad you found it chilling because that was my intention. Poor Judy’s luck did change… but not in a good way. I think there are certain people who are attracted to those in need or pain, and not for good reasons.

  12. Oh dear, poor Judy! Well written story, I’m definitely drawn in! I’m just not sure how I feel about the cow reference – it feels a touch more like it’s coming form the author than the character.

    • Kate Loveton says:

      Hi Michelle, thank you for your kind words. Glad you liked the story. I think you’re correct – I may revise this story and remove the cow reference. This is my first attempt at flash fiction, and I’m a fairly new writer in general… so I’m rather like a baby still learning to take his or her first steps. Your comment was very helpful. 🙂

  13. Harliqueen says:

    Wow, what an ending, poor Judy, I was so hoping for good things for her!

  14. Yikes. I kinda didn’t see that coming, Kate. You shocked me. What will happen? Well done!

  15. Wow, nice dark ending there. I enjoyed your story!

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