The Toy Patrol


“Barb, where are the car keys?” he asked, watching her decide what to wear.

She frowned. The keys were where they always were – resting in the ignition of the pink convertible. Her pink convertible. Everything they owned was hers – the convertible, the dream house. He’d brought nothing to the union but plastic good looks, clothing and a healthy-sized ego.

“In the ignition – as always,” she said.

Ken slapped his forehead. “Right! Where else? Okay, gotta run; later, baby.”

Yeah, you’ve such a busy day ahead, pushing paper around Uncle Joe’s office, she thought unkindly.

That position, too, had resulted from his marriageΒ to Barb. Her uncle was a decorated general on Mattel World. Filling endless supply requisitions was all the feckless Ken was good for.

Depressed, she turned to her wardrobe. The hardest part of her day was deciding which of her many outfits to wear. Each article of clothing hearkened back to a former life – airline stewardess, movie star, go-go dancer.

So many incarnations.

She felt old.

Yet, she looked the same: large dark eyes; jutting breasts above a tiny waist. As for her ass, there was plenty of junk in that trunk.

It was good to be Barb.

So why the sadness?

Annoyed, she decided on a cheerleader outfit; then she heard pounding on the front door.

“Barbie! Open up!”

Her friend, Midge, looking anxious, pushed through the cardboard door of Barb’s dream house. “Barbie, they’re coming! We should have known! Did we really expect they’d leave us in peace?”

“Midge, you have ten seconds to calm yourself and tell me what this is about. Jeepers, I haven’t even had my coffee; worse, I haven’t yet figured out what I’m going to wear today!”

“The Toy Patrol is coming!”

The news staggered Barb. Not the Toy Patrol! They’d liberated themselves from the Old Order when GI Joe and the Transformers had joined forces, subduing and imprisoning the instigators of so much misery in the universe. The result: a better world – Mattel World.

“Are you sure?”

Midge nodded. “I checked the kids’ toy box. The Brangelina dolls, the Paris Hilton action figure, they’re missing!”

Barb walked over to her own kids’ toy box. Slightly tipping the lid, she listened for the chatter she should have heard. Silence. Opening the box, she saw it was empty. Gone were the Hillary and Bill dolls, complete with boxing gloves. Gone, too, the George Bush doll with its fractured pronunciation of ‘nuclear.’

Was this the end? Were Barbie and her friends going to be rounded up by the Toy Patrol, consigned to toy chests in an alternate universe?

She’d die fighting first!

This was her universe, her beloved Mattel World. Never was this universe to be retaken by the Old Order. Here she’d make her last stand!

Resolutely, she marched back to the bedroom. Tossing aside the cheerleader outfit, she reached inside the wardrobe, pulling out camouflage gear.

Guerilla Barbie, accessorized with bazooka, went out to greet the enemy.


Word Count: 496

Author’s Note: Trying to kill three birds with one stone this week!

This flash fiction was written in response to three challenges – Mark Baron’s Woegman’s World of Witty Wonder Thursday Trope (found here); ThainInVain’s weekly Wednesday challenge (found here); and BeKindRewrite’s Monday Inspiration challenge (found here).

Mark’s prompt was to write a trope on ‘Never Was This Universe‘ – a take on alternate universes; ThainInVain’s prompt was to craft a 500 word or less tale in which the words ‘You have ten seconds…’ was utilized; and BeKindRewrite’s prompt was to fashion a story in which certain words were utilized – of the words provided, I chose ‘Toy Patrol.’

This is a rather silly, fantastical tale, but I hope you enjoy. Thanks for reading.

About Kate Loveton

Aspiring novelist. Avid reader of fiction. Reviewer of books. By day, my undercover identity is that of meek, mild-mannered legal assistant, Kate Loveton, working in the confines of a stuffy corporate law office; by night, however, I'm a super hero: Kate Loveton, Aspiring Novelist and Spinner of Tales. My favorite words are 'Once upon a time... ' Won't you join me on my journey as I attempt to turn a hobby into something more?
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46 Responses to The Toy Patrol

  1. Pingback: All’s Fair in Love and War | Trials of a wanna-be-published writer

  2. LOVED this! I could never stand Ken either… my sister and I used to raid my brother and cousins’ stash of the old 12″ GI Joes to give our Barbies “REAL” dates!

  3. W. K. Tucker says:

    Loved this one. Kate. Funny and sad mixed together. And waaaay out there.
    Hummm….makes me wonder if I am in someone’s toy chest.
    Have you ever seen the Matrix–all those wired up people who think they are living real lives, but their lives are lived only in their minds? I know this sound weird, but I often think about reality, if what we perceive our lives to be is just an illusion. I think other strange stuff, but should probably keep it to myself. Don’t want to be carted off to the nut house. πŸ˜€

    • Kate Loveton says:

      Hi Kathy, I’m so glad you enjoyed the story. I like quirky little stories – they are fun to write.

      I haven’t seen the Matrix, but I need to because it sounds intriguing. I have seen bits and pieces of the first one, but was doing something while it was on and so I wasn’t paying close attention.

      If you get carted off to the nut house, perhaps we can get a room together… πŸ˜‰

  4. Adan Ramie says:

    This story was a lot of fun to read. Damn Ken; I always hated him, and now I know why. I really like what you did with the prompts. Kudos on an entertaining read!

    • Kate Loveton says:

      Hi Adan, thanks for the kind words. I always disliked that damned Ken as well! πŸ˜€ Sorry for responding so late to your comment; I’m afraid I’ve gotten a bit behind in blogging the past week.

  5. Very Nice Post πŸ™‚ (y)

  6. markbialczak says:

    You can remain all dolled up, but your past remains, Kate. Oh, how you twisted this one for us. Nice piece!

  7. stacilys says:

    This is such a good story Kate. So funny and creative. You really have a great imagination and know how to pull the reader in. And I love the end with the photo of GI Barbie. Classic.

  8. This was such a cute and funny story, Kate and I loved it!

    I quite agree that Ken is a feckless man, I mean, what kind of guy has no….erm…working parts downstairs? No wonder Barbie got bored with him, at least GI Joe packs a pistol…. πŸ™‚

  9. Pingback: Flash Fiction Challenge – Week 34 Submissions | Thain in Vain

  10. That gave me a good laugh. Barbie and Ken, the airhead.Too clever!

    • Kate Loveton says:

      Thanks, Gwendoline! Ken always seemed just a little too perfect to me when I was a kid; perhaps that’s why I used his to twist his head off.

      Or perhaps I am psychotic…

      Nah. My husband still has his head, so I’m guessing I just didn’t like that Ken doll!

  11. You never fail to fashion a compelling, entertaining and believable story from the most obscure of prompts, Kate. This was certainly no exception – I almost expected to see a little pink pony gallop in!

  12. VERY CLEVER! I loved this interesting look into things, even if I wasn’t very much for Barbies myself as a kid!

  13. Oh, this was awesome! Very clever once again πŸ˜€

  14. I always knew Ken was “feckless!” I really enjoyed this — a lot! Funny, imaginative, and engaging! Nice work, Kate! TiV

  15. Julia Lund says:

    Made me smile out loud! A whole world brought to life in less that 500 words; another success. Well done.

  16. Pingback: Inspiration Monday: Metaphorphosis - bekindrewrite

  17. Lucy says:

    Yeah, took me a few seconds to realize it was the old Barb and Ken. That was so cute. She really needs to dump that Ken and his plastic good looks. Lucy

  18. This is just hilarious. I never imagined Barbie so down to earth.

    And that GI Joe partnered with the Transformers…I wouldn’t put it past them. We’ll probably see that movie in the next five years.

    Sorry for the confusion earlier! Site went down due to me not checking my email. Blah.

    • Kate Loveton says:

      Hi Stephanie, I’m thinking that Barbie is going to end up with GI Joe. I mean, look at her – she’s got a weapon and some cool combat gear… she’s gonna turn GI Joe on in a very big way! (grin) Glad you liked the story. πŸ™‚

  19. Great job – loved this!

  20. willow1945 says:

    I didn’t realize it was Barbie, even with all the hints, until her friend called her Barbie–I laughed so hard!! Very cute, very enjoyable–good job!

    • Kate Loveton says:

      Thanks, Willow. I tried to start it out with a few clues, but purposely called her ‘Barb’ at the beginning in an initial attempt to mislead. I’m glad you got some laughs out of my silly little tale. πŸ™‚

  21. Helen Espinosa says:

    Loved this! I was pretty upset when it ended, actually. πŸ™‚

  22. Enjoyed it? Loved it, Kate. It’s witty, biting, yes, quite fantastic but with a few strong reality checks. Fine work in under 500 hundred words.

  23. Wonderful story. It’s imaginative, perky, and entertaining. This is so…so Barbie. I didn’t expect the Toy Patrol.I love how you take known characters and breathe new life into them. πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ Excellent.

    • Kate Loveton says:

      Thanks, Tess. I loved your comment, ‘this is so… so Barbie’ – that made me crack a smile! So it is! Thanks for the kind words. I’m not sure how this tale popped into my head, but it was a fun to write.

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