The Worst Kind of Thievery

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“Mrs. Noble, I want you to look closely at each man and let me know if you see him,” said Detective Scott, “and take as much time as you need.”

Fear made me clutch the plastic cup tightly and the water began to spill, but Scott reached out with a sure hand and steadied me.

And that’s when I saw him, the thief, standing in the lineup, smirking at those of us on the other side of the mirror.

Thief, rapist – it’s all the same; taking me as he did, he carried off my sense of well-being, robbing me forever of my freedom.

“That’s him,” I said, pointing, and turned away, sick to my stomach.

© 2015 All Rights Reserved Kate Loveton, Odyssey of a Novice Writer

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Note: Story written in response to Lillie McFerrin’s Five Sentence Fiction (here). This week’s prompt was to write a story in five sentences using the word “thief.”

About Kate Loveton

Aspiring novelist. Avid reader of fiction. Reviewer of books. By day, my undercover identity is that of meek, mild-mannered legal assistant, Kate Loveton, working in the confines of a stuffy corporate law office; by night, however, I'm a super hero: Kate Loveton, Aspiring Novelist and Spinner of Tales. My favorite words are 'Once upon a time... ' Won't you join me on my journey as I attempt to turn a hobby into something more?
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26 Responses to The Worst Kind of Thievery

  1. Margaret says:

    Really, really good. Personally, I think the construction is perfect. I can just imagine Mrs Noble having her arm steadied, catching eye of the thief in that moment and immediately having memory recall of what he did to her kicking in before she can say , “That’s him.” Absolutely believable.

    • Kate Loveton says:

      Hi Margaret! Thanks for reading my short story and for the comments. I think you caught what I was trying to convey – and I’m glad it came across as believable. 🙂

  2. macjam47 says:

    Wonderful five sentences. Very suspenseful.

  3. noelleg44 says:

    Another five sentence wonder, Kate. You can sense more of this story surrounding them.

  4. Very emotive and powerful. Love how you made her fear is tangible and the feeling it will never leave her despite his arrest. x

    • Kate Loveton says:

      Thank you, Lizzie – your comment captured exactly what I was trying to convey. I appreciate your reading and letting me know what you thought of the story. 🙂

  5. wildbilbo says:

    Dark subject, well handled. I thought the sentence connecting rape & theft was particularly good.

    From a constructive criticism perspective… I get the feeling the 2nd & 3rd sentences should be swapped?maybe? She’s reacting before she sees him, but of course that might be the intent – it’s a confronting situation.

    Great stuff.

    • Kate Loveton says:

      Hello – and thanks for reading and providing some constructive crit. I admire your writing a great deal, and take seriously your feedback. I’ll have to think about it! 😀

      • wildbilbo says:

        I’ll tell you a secret – I rarely change what I’ve written after I’ve hit publish regardless of how good the concrit is . If it’s good crit I’ll try to incorporate it into future pieces, but once it hits the web it tends to stand as is from that point on.

        Cheers
        KT

  6. Kate, its a gripping piece, well done.

  7. jan says:

    Short but very powerful. Good job!

  8. Wonderful work, as always! ❤ ❤ ❤

  9. belindacrane says:

    Kate this was brilliant. You’ve captured a feeling so many people find so hard to put into words. Victims don’t only lose their possessions, its their loss of security they never feel they can regain. Beautifully written 🙂

    • Kate Loveton says:

      Thanks, Belinda, I appreciate the comment.

      I’ve taken a bit of a break this week and next from blogging, but I fully intend to catch up with your stories when I return. I think you’re a fine writer – and I very much like your stories.

  10. If only every violation was vindicated – but then, once you’ve been betrayed, yoiu never feel safe again. Very will written.

  11. It does make you feel violated. Nice job, Kate!

  12. stacilys says:

    Great Kate. I really like how you made mention of the thief and rapist being the same. Both steal our freedom and security.

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